Wednesday, December 14, 2005


Smell that friends? That....that smells like victory. Yes indeed I bring you to my 200th post with great pride, and great vengance. Though once I be but a destatout student I now thrive of money and power. What me say? Quick Analazy a Milton quote worth 10% of the final exam. " THe mind is of its own place, can make a heaven of a hell and hell of a heaven" you have 15 mins okay go.
As promised, I will be now doing an idiots guide to durnken dunning the likes of which none have ever come before. Here I err though as many amoung me are not so idiotic. Maybe this is just a how to guide then, perhaps, perhaps though it is the holy bible of drunkeness.
Step 1: Hence forth, procure some Liqour. It can be highballs, yet if you are lowballing it due to lack of funds or lack of faith, then must drink more.
Step 2: while slitghly buzzed, visit the lavatory many times, one must keep drinking and therefore keep cleaning out the system. Once we reach a state of perpetual happiness, it is only then that one can blog.
Step 3: logging in. Logging in can be a problem, if one is too drunk to remember passwords or log in names, he should pass out on his couch. However if he is of absent mind one should write it on a sticky and put above said monitor. Thus creating oppertunity for said drunken blogging to occur.
Step 4: Finding things to talk about. A general opening statement to get the ball rolling here, would be something along the lines of okay okay okay. Three okays are of regualtion size. Four is pushing the limits, six and you've expended you're amount to do a coherent blog.
Step 5: Topics. Though it be appropriate to discuss whatever pops into your head. It is uncool, to discuss certain issues. Discrimiination is not therefore a blogging topics. One can not simply group a people into one topic and procede to bash them. Bashing is only acceptable amoung friends. Like for example. Fat Santa you suck, is appropriate. A) because it is a in joke. b) because they may truly suck. c) you're just joking D) you like doing lists E) damn you pollock
Step 6: a kalidescope of colorfull topics may come into play. Besides bashing friends this may be a previlant point to go and get things off your chest. Pop culture is an excellent resource for venting. Discussing TV and movies, is a good way to get the ball rolling in the comments section
Step 7: add humor. Its import while blogging to maintain an appreciation for the reader. Though gramatically you may not make sence its important to accept the fact that certain things are expected. In certain cases poetry, or celeberity poems as the case may warrant, would be an import undertaking, to maintain a steady bloggership.
Step 8: complements. Throwing in the odd complements to your fellow regulars, go a long way in establishing your own awesomenees....saying things like Pollock is a truly awesome person. Or Bang has an incredibley large capacity of knowledge, goes well with not only the blog but establishes that you care for your readers well being and makes them feel part of the process.
Step 9: Comment on popular culture. Bitching about everyday life is good, but show that you're hip to their jive. Comment on favorite tv shows like (the oc) or (lost) as the case may warrant. Bring in other mediums, like comics and movies and music to establish that you have a life, all be it a lame one, outside of blogs.
Step 10: Giving in to the hype. You may at times feel like you're becoming a one hit wonder. Perhaps all you're blog is, is nothing more then a misguided durnken ramblings of a mad man. However if this be the case. Accept it. If you can blog about the most pointless and nonesincal crap out there, then more power to you. If people will come back to read it, time and time again, no matter how repeative it gets, you truly have become the drunken master. And i tip my hat, and pass the tourch to you good sir.
So there you have it, tens steps in how to become a durnken dunning. Now, on to other things. A prevalant topic tonight seemed to be a quote which has become associated with me. "why must people be so lame?" As Pollock would say, this is relevant to so many different situations.
There are a lot of lame people out there, I myself am not one of them. I try and help these unfortunate cases, to better themselves. Through my guidence they will form a superteam, the likes of which will one day rule the world, but unless they learn to band together they will continue to be lame.
An example of lame people. Much Music Viewers. These people are lame. People who think that ashlee simpsons new single LOVE is hot shit are lame. Another example of true lameness is those overly hyper people who love everything and everyone. You know the type, they say like a lot. And bounce around. They have no shame.
Shame is underrated. The human race could do with more shame. Shame my friends, does not equal lame. What else is lame? So many things spring to mind that it is hard to narrow it all down into one finite category. Yes I used the word finite bitches. Whether it is spelled correctly is beyond the point of reason.
What were we talking about? Ah yes, lameness. Why must people be so lame? I dont know if i can fully answer this quesiton. I certainly cant to it justice. Some of you may even think i am lame. and to that i say you may be right. Or you may not be and can suck a lemon egg.
What is lameness? brining a banana into a bar? Probably. Who brings food into an establishment that sells a)food and b)drinks god damnt pollock. Look what you made me do. more lists. Oh and happy bday dave. Ya bastard. For your present I will find you and buy you scarlet johanson. As the million dollar man said. everybodys got a price.
What are some more examples of lameness. Fuck if i know. I cant keep talking about lameness as its puttin a downer on todays festivities. This post at this point seems really long and unending to me. This is perhaps a nother problem to durnken dunning. The ending. For what is truly the end? No one knows. no one can define the end, until they themeselves have come to it. The end is however ineveitable. And for a sidebar of the durnken dunning post, i think you can find the perfect ending in a few ways:
1. You can make some poetry. Poetry is a key factor to every durnken dunning. something as simple as: clock clock clock. Keep me time. Clock Clock Clock. Best friend of mine. Can have people rolling in the ilse.
2. You can end it with a lot of profanity. a long ffffffffuuuuccccckk yyyyyouuuuuu. or dissing things like say essays or certain bands that you hate, can go far into ending a durnken dunning.
3. you can ending by dissing endings themeselves. You can say that all endings are stupid and arbitrary. arbitrainess is a form of lameness by the way. either way its a decent end to a blog
4. you can do a dance. Perhaps people wont see your dance, but if they are true durnken dunning fans, they'll take it at face value that you did a dance, and the dance was awesome.
5. You can end it in frustraition. Perhaps you are just fed up with typing. Perhaps you are fed up with constantly having to be drunk to produce anything of quality. perhaps your just tired and its been enough already and you want to get some sleep. if this be the case you can certainly end abrubtly. Make sure however you include things you are currently into that nobody but yourself cares about.

Well faithful readers. I hope that was enlightening. Me and my 5 rum and cokes are going to bid you adue for the day. This was my 200th post for this blog. What quality it was, is up for you to decide. Stay tuned for year end reviews and some serious sober dunning action. Take Care. Goodnight.

Current Comic: Rann-Thangar War-Gibbons
Current Music: Death Cab For Cutie-Why you'd want to live here.


Blogger Graham said...

I have no doubt at all that the dance was awesome.

That was one hell of a post. As Vikram once wrote, "You can't see it, but I'm giving a standing ovation." Bravo.

12:14 AM

Blogger M Rexin said...

In the words of one Rich Liang "Would it kill use to use spaces?"

Nice job

3:27 PM

Blogger dinning said...

When did Graham become Pollock?

9:30 PM


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